Nothing Else
selfattack
12:31 p.m. & 04.06.2004
The night air is so warm and still it clings to our skin like a blanket. It’s almost stifling, the way the oppressive heat stops me from thinking clearly, so I can’t feel anything but this terrible warmth.
I suggest we go into the water, to get cool.
“OK” you reply in that kind of half excited manner, that makes your eyes sparkle, but still leaves me unsure as to how you really feel.
I look at you in the moonlight as we walk to the edge of the lake, the pale silver glow turning your skin into a magical silk. Slowly, we both begin to walk into the water, feeling the coolness rising up our bodies as we plunge in, deeper and deeper. I begin to swim, and turn on my back to take in the sky.
“Look at the stars. Look at how many they are.”
You turn your pretty head up to the heavens, and we both stay there, in wonder, squinting a little at the bright pinpoints of light.
I turn to face you, and you do the same, so that I can stare forever into the deep brown of your eyes, so that I can get lost in you. You aren’t moving, so I swim a little closer, until only inches of water separate us. I’m almost afraid of you, but you stay put, still holding my eyes.
I touch your cheek, splashing water onto your skin, so it sparkles in the silver light.
“I can keep you, can’t I?” I half whisper into your ear. I push back a strand of your wet, dark hair from your face. And you half smile, and your eyes sparkle again. Only I think there is more conviction, now.
I lean forward until our lips touch, until I can hold onto you, both of us shaking, hardly able to draw breath, our bodies touching, so close we can never move apart. Neither of us break it; we can stay like this.
Stay like this forever.